It Ain't Half a Classification System: Our unfortunate Librarian faces ambush in the jungle

Von Bog-Brush

Well it's blooming freezing in the barracks, so I asked Major Business-Suit if I could start a Hot-Toddies fund. He was frightfully pleased with the idea, but so far I've only raised 20p - don't think that's going to go very far. So meanwhile, it's Brass Monkeys rather than Top Brass or Regimental Silverware for me.

The soldiers around here are all being remarkably well behaved - no subordination in the Ranks (not even the notoriously rebellious Catering or Volunteer Corps) since before Christmas. I am getting increasingly nervous and fear they are about to launch a major assault, particularly if Kaiser Friederich Wilhelm von Bog-Brush gets his hands on Catering's stale bread rolls and launches an assault from under the dining room table. If that were to happen, we're all for it I'm afraid.

Meanwhile at the Indies, the bosses were all very excited about a beauty contest they wanted to organise to entertain the troops, who are out on jungle manoeuvres. I was all for it, having got several years experience organizing concert parties on behalf of ENSA (well - ok - I had a minor role in It Ain't Half Hot Mum, but that's almost the same thing).

Anyway - imagine my dismay when I realized the true intentions behind said beauty contest: they actually want me to rearrange all the books in the Library, with the most attractive facing the door in order to entice members in (rather like an Amsterdam 'shop window' if you catch my drift). It seems that Melville Dewey, the American Library of Congress and several others (did someone mention Ranganathan?) have got it all wrong. Henceforth all books shall be arranged according to appearance. Either that, or I'm retrospectively joining the Indian Mutiny of 1857.

Onwards and Upwards.