Sunday, 21 December 2014

in which Librarians save the world

So this time the Weird Sisters determined to settle down to their homework which - if you remember - was set by Agent Fifi of Hebden Bridge and involved tracking down a genuine Bullshit Detector in order to defeat the Evil Empress of Shepherds Bush who was so supremely-versed in corporate bullshit that she had slid with ease into Elstree Studios and was well on her way to hijacking the latest Bond movie.

The Weird Sisters - Mounitchka and Leilitchka - being relatively young in witch terms (less than three millennia) were still reluctant to knuckle down to good old-fashioned studying, something which drove their mother - isis-k to despair on several occasions, particularly when it led to basic errors in spell-making calculus resulting in - for example - Mounitchka accidentally materializing as Chaka Khan instead of the Aga Khan, and attempting to fight the first Anglo-Afghan war armed with nothing but a damned good backing track and a first-class vocal.

Brunhilde by Ferdinand Leeke
So this time, isis-k got her friends on the case: Agent Bary Brown, first rate warlock of the Librarian School  - who had links via his special technical networks, to all sorts of hidden reserves of knowledge; and Brunhilde the Vegan Walkyrie, who had a way with tattoos which - when handled correctly - could come to life and decipher several layers of bullshit. The only trouble was, Barry and Brunhilde appeared to have got locked in the Spaniards Inn with Dick Turpin somewhere around 1736 and didn't look likely to emerge for several days. They had actually ended up there while at a gig a few hundred years later with another Dandy Highwayman called Adam. Such was the power of Brunhilde's tattoos that they had started working on his songs and transported the pair back to Hampstead mid- 'diddley qua qua'.

As is often the case: mum had to step in and sort out the girls' homework and isis-k found herself having to put Lee Scoresby, Colonel Gin-soaked and their fondant-fancy plan on hold, in order to extricate Barry and Brunhilde from the tavern so that they could track down the bullshit detector which would enable Mounictchka, Leilitchka and Agent Fifi to carry out their daring raid on the Evil Empress's hideout ( a cunningly conceived and devilishly disguised fortress hollowed into the contours of Herne Hill).



Finally, Barry and Brunhilde emerged triumphantly form the eighteenth century with the latest model: a BS-D 17 (aka Dr Johnson's 1755 Dictionary) - proving (if proof were needed) that come the Apocalypse, it will be Librarians who save the world

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