Gin-soaked rides again. Featuring Hobbits, Fondant Fancies and One Direction

picture by Shugmonkey

Meanwhile back in Tesco's, where Colonel Gin-Soaked of the eponymous Gordon's Highlanders Regiment, had recently repaired in search of Fondant Fancies, a sharp-eyed checkout girl had spotted he'd left the regimental colours and had left her post to run after him accompanied by several Community Policemen. Her actions had fortunately resulted in stopping him in his tracks before he could shoot down Lee Scorseby's airship thereby saving the day ...for the time being. It took several hours for him to argue his way out of the holding cell but when he did he got wind....of the fact that isis-k had had to dash off to help instruct the Weird Sisters.

Never one to miss out on an adventure, Old Gin-Soaked had rounded up his old regiment and there were now one hundred and twenty Gin-Soaked Gordon's Highlanders heading towards Herne Hill in an attempt to ambush the Evil Empress in her hideout, before she could hijack the new Bond Film. Unfortunately, this number of sozzled soldiers was never going to be able to act with ninja-like subtlety and subterfuge, and they had managed to awaken a whole troupe of extras who had been at an audition for the Hobbit Movie before realizing they'd missed out by a couple of years and were now desperately trying to get roles in a new One Direction biopic. The Highlanders were going easy on the out-of-work actors because - no matter how sozzled they were - they were still gentlemen, so had decided to slow them down by laying a trail of Fondant Fancies (being careful to save some for Ernestina the gargoyle, for whom they had to save some as a peace-offering-cum-bribe if you remember...and I'd not be surprised if you didn't as I lost the plot years ago)

Having thus disctracted their foes, the Highlanders headed for Herne Hill crying Scotland Forever as they went. At this point, isis-k wondered whether she should tell them that Sean Connery no longer played James Bond....