In which our Brave Librarian rescues several old soldiers and fights of Rowley Birkin

Well it's been a busy old week in the Barracks. I am negotiating re-locating a whole platoon of really elderly veterans henceforth to be known as the Old Ledgers of 1862. If the move goes according to plan, I shall be able to put some of my finest soldiers on display: they are currently languishing in the office owing to the CO fearing they are too valuable to put in the lending front-line and frankly, some of them are somewhat champing at the bit (despite being frayed at the edges...and inside too in some cases). Tomes like the Armies of India and the Seven Pillars of Wisdom just can't wait to get out there and connect with their readers, and I for one, am determined not to hold them back

Meanwhile over in the Indies, General Gordon Gin-soaked of the eponymous Highland Regiment, seems to be on shore-leave and has failed to show his face for some weeks now, despite my attempt to entice him in with a cunningly fashioned display of books on the history of Cricket. He will be most upset if he misses it, especially since next month's theme: Explorers, is a subject which I happen to know he is particularly keen to avoid, having got into an argument once with Sir Richard Burton's widow about whether he, or Dr Livingstone was the best role-model for sensible footwear. The row was rather abruptly settled when Peter O'Toole entered the room dressed as Laurence of Arabia, sweeping aside all opposition and declared the contest invalid.

I was somewhat compensated for missing Gin-Soaked by a visit from Rowley Birkin QC, on fine form as ever. He felt it was his duty to warn me about the impending Islamic Apocalypse. When I told him I thought he was being somewhat alarmist, he instead decided to regale me with tales of his ex-wives and the problems of alimony, before attempting to recruit me to his harem. Naturally I refused, citing a whole pile of un-catalgoued histories of the East India Company as a pressing concern. He was most accommodating and left me with a recording of a recent TV appearance he made. Enjoy it at your leisure
Rowley Birkin on form as ever

In which our librarian finds herself propositioned by Rowley Birkin QC

Had a lucky escape this week at the old Naval barracks: A team of carpetbaggers had been scheduled to move in to re-arrange my carefully deployed troops, but I managed to fend them off by pelting them with ammo in the form of stale muffins left over from a wedding banquet the previous week (must remind Chef to clear up after hiring out my library for nuptial celebrations in future)

All this was not enough to stop me from completing my epic task of registering all troops in the OPAC (catalogue - to the uninitiated). It's been a struggle, but I can proudly announce that all recruits are now present and correct and ready for inspection. Huzzah!

And talking of My Struggle: Hitler's tome, having escaped from the broom cupboard last week, has been looking for trouble, so I placed him on a shelf next to the Palestine Commission Report and told the two of them not to argue behind my back and asked T E Lawrence's Seven Pillars of Wisdom to keep an eye on the pair of them. Not sure how well this will work as Lawrence tends to follow his own agenda and has in fact - to my annoyance - announced his retirement from acting only this week. Personally I preferred him in The Ruling Class, but there you go. I consoled myself with a Folio atlas from the 1860s which I'm hoping to flog for a vast profit if I can find a suitable buyer.

Meanwhile in the Indies, a chap called Billy Hogarth has been occupying much of my time, as I have been given the task of cataloguing his etchings, and a frankly disreputable bunch they are too, but what can you expect from a chap who hung out such such low-lifes as young Jack Sheppard who - incidentally is a good friend of mine and I think you should investigate his website:

picture  copyright www.shugmonkey.com

Several volumes have returned from the binders with a warning that they are not to be displayed lying down with their pages open unless propped up by pillows - a warning which seems to have gone down well with the company Chairman who promises not to display himself in public unless so positioned.

Poor old Colonel Gin-Soaked has had his nose well and truly put out of joint this week by Lothario, who spent a good deal of time telling me his life story and assuring me that should my good husband ever prove deficient in any sense, he would be more than happy to fill any situations that became vacant...that is if he can fit it in between his global business engagements and four ex-wives. Couldn't help but be reminded of this chap: 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Cwyq3XWeHE

Toodle-pip