Come the revolution

So the battle with the catering corps appears - for the moment - to have been won following a bloodless coup and the ousting of their chief supporter, Colonel Flowers of the Petunia Rifle brigade. However, the war is most definitely not over as a new recruit, Kaiser Wilhelm Freiderich Bog-Brush (Volunteer Corps), has decided he wants to take over the entire section and has started garnering intelligence from several of our rival units. Little does the Kaiser know that his intel is flawed as I have pre-empted his forces on every front with my use of double-agents (and the odd moth). Plans include having Bog-Brush detained by a shadow unit, sent on spurious intelligence-gathering missions to Kazakhstan and dressed as an elephant for a victory parade on Hampstead Heath (see picture above). This Librarian will not be overcome.

On the plus side, I have been delving into the regimental archives and finding some fascinating stuff: court cases involving some of the Army's top brass, Generals suing for loss of overcoats and subalterns driven out of the unit for gambling. Ahhh the tales I will have to swap with Commander Norman 'the Ninja' Rollaston when we dine in Claridges as part of our mission to inform the masses.

Meanwhile, In the Indies, we have been executing lawyers. The Law collection was falling apart and dying from loneliness following a distinct lack of interest from readers. I am however pleased to report that, far from having them taken out and shot at dawn, we will be finding nice new homes for them. We are after all, a civilised country. This last fact is probably why my CO considered me unsuitably attired to make an appearance in the Officers Mess for a celebration dinner hosted by members of my management team. Must remember not to wear fuchsia leggings next time. Long live Punk. (see picture attached for what I probably should have worn)

Toodle pip.

Mutiny on several fronts

photo by Fernando Tucedo

Things have been quite calm at the barracks this week and the old Catering Corps haven't launched a deadly sally for some time. However, no sooner does one front close with its soldiers limping off in defeat, than a new one opens, this time led by the Volunteer Corps who are determined to 'shake things up' They are going to need some serious discipline instilled into them before they run riot all over the Library and plant petunias in the archives.

Surprise but welcome visit from the Major this week. He popped in to fill me in on his latest adventures. He appears to have retired from Commando duties and a series of dubious night-time outings with various members of Royalty and the Brat Pack, but at ninety years of age is still going strong and being thrown out of Annabel's in the wee small hours - good on you major. Managed to wangle an invitation to lunch at Claridge's with him under the pretences of a request for help with my historical research (it's a tough job, as they say, but someone has to do it)

Meanwhile over at the East Indies, the staff are revolting: the chef in the Officer's Mess is refusing them their normal rations and I anticipate a mutiny on the scale of the one in 1857 - our Sepoys are not ones to take events lying down. Maybe they could help me sort out my volunteer problem and form an Army of Retribution.........